You Can Have My Musket When You Pry It From My Wall...

As someone who likes antique guns and has no need for their modern variations, I am constantly amazed how willingly people are to lump antique gun collectors in with modern gun fanciers, collectors, and dealers.

We make the distinction, pre-1898 is antique - anything after that is of no interest to us. But that has not stopped the calls, from the same people using different names and always calling for exotic modern weaponry of the type likely to end up in some nutbag's hands during a bloodbath on the evening news.

We feel these calls are, without a doubt, from government agencies charged with controlling the trafficking of modern arms. We have no problem with that, but identify yourselves and we won't have to play the usual games.

"Is this the gun store?"

"This is Antiqueswest.com, what can I do for you?"

"Do you guys sell AKs?"

"Only antique guns, my friend, sorry."

"How 'bout a Desert Eagle? Wanna buy a Desert Eagle?"

"Only antique firearms, bud. Percussion. Have anything old?"

"Oh. How 'bout an MP5?"

We get about three of these calls a week. If it's the ATF (which is fine, by the way, most of our customers are ATF or FBI folks and they're great people) they're wasting a lot of precious time on us.

For the record: "Antique only at Antiqueswest.com." M'kay?

Now, that's not to say the Feds aren't right to be checking, especially in light of the recent arrest of a Glassboro, New Jersey collector/dealer who was arrested Thursday after ramming a police cruiser in the parking lot of a Glassboro bowling alley during a sting operation. The dealer tried to sell a 37 mm projectile launcher to an undercover officer, probably one of the guys who keeps calling us.

This dealer allegedly sold six weapons to undercover state troopers that were far from antique over the last few weeks, including an Israeli military assault rifle, a Marlin "Bull Pup" 9 mm assault rifle and a Norinco SKS .556 caliber.

So, we appreciate the work of the Federal government in a lot of ways, especially in their efforts to rid our streets of modern guns built for mass killing, but we don't like these things - they don't move us like an old gun with a lot of history behind it.

Just so we're clear. And no, we don't have any 37mm anti-tank weapons. Okay?

Sheesh.